So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
