K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
