bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
