I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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