You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
