I'm jealous of your bromance
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
