she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
