my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
