I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
