What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
