cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
