Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
