oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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