I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
