I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
