I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
