I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
