You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
