We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
3pm strippers are depressing
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
