forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he was CRYING into my vagina
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
