does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She even gives head with a lisp.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
