I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
