im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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