omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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