what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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