I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Houston, we have a blender
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
