I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
