I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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