So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
