Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Threesome in a minivan. New low
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
