don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
