Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
