A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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