Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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