at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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