This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize