I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
