i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
