I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
