just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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