He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
