Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
