i just sent this text using only my big toe
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
