That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
