don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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