While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
