after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize