woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize