when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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