I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
