yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
A+ Viking dick
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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