The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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