So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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