i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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