Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
