There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
