so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
