Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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