she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize