By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
