if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
