Barsexuality is the new black.
Operation Purity has been aborted
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
