hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
