Me. At least after what I've been through.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
