BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize