Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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