no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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