Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
