Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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