You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
