OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're too hungover to prance.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
