it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
cat food counts as protein by the way
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
