She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
