I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
