I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
