This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
