I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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