the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
