you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
