This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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